This is the Life.

Ok so yesterday was the last Sunday before the holy month of Ramadan starts, and as a tradition in my family we were supposed to be at the mall to do some shopping. Although I was at university having my Sunday class but my sister texted me to be there at the mall as they were on their way as well. Anyways I got their first (YAYYYYYY!!!) and decided to spend some time in the food court which is located on the top most floor (not open roof). Finding no seat available I decided to drag myself towards the corner of the court and there I found a seat, not only could I view the other people but I also could see outside the window and could see over a long distance.

Being in no mood to eat I decided to pull out my earphones and listen to some music from my cell phone, I thought this is the perfect time to listen to my most loved tracks [I]CASTLE OF GLASS[/I] by [I]LINKIN PARK[/I]. As the music starts playing, I slowly start to lose myself into that fantasy world where I usually go to when ever I am doing such stuff. Anyways the song starts and I put myself in place of chester and mike (two in one lol) at this point I am deeply lost in the song as I wait anxiously for the part where both go “[I]CUZ IM OOOOOONNNNLLYYY A CRRAAAAAACKKK………..IN THIS CAAASTLE OF GLAAAAASSS…………..[/I]YES!!!!! My favorite part…then comes the much awaited moment when the guitar rift comes in and I visualize myself playing that lol.

Ok so finally the song finishes and I snap back to reality, looking at the people around me, youngsters, seniors, boys and girls they were all there enjoying the moment they were in, gossips, pictures, eatables, drinks and stuff. I observe them and this thought comes into my mind, “we are all just living the moment aren’t we”. Its that feeling deep down inside when u are on a high, sitting at a cool place enjoying a typical Sunday evening time with yr loved ones and not worrying about anything taking place outside the confines of the building. I say to myself why am I running away from my people? Why cant I be that close to them anymore? ………….many questions, limited answers. Sigh…..I look outside the window and check my cell, no sigh of them so more time to spend here.

Now where was I………….oh yes the having fun thing, earlier in the month I managed to take time out from my university and work timings to go over to the cinema (built inside another shopping mall located elsewhere in the city) and before going in to watch Madagascar and ice age on different days, not back to back (life isn’t a bed of roses people) I spend some time, again in the food court, sipping my glass of Pepsi and again looking at the people, mostly belonging to the upper class, or better yet, dressed  like them lol. They all come from different backgrounds. University friends’ school, work, even families are there. At that point, a teeny weenie feel of guilt starts to crop inside of me and is asking me questions, questions to which I need to find answers. I just cannot seem to fight it, it’s like as if I have deliberately done this to myself, I don’t feel like I have enough strength left inside of me to tell it to let me be.  Somehow I manage to let it slide and quietly get up because it’s ShowTime. Even this Saturday I watched Spiderman (I wont give my reviews here) but during the show it was like people talking about the scenes and stuff and thus making me think about what people say about watching movies alone (sigh..)

So here I am again at the mall, waiting for my family and thinking over the things I have done to myself to cut myself away from the people I know, I love, and it’s not just the family, it’s the people I have spend my time with outside my home. Maybe I was scared that I will not be accepted because I don’t often hangout till late night, or maybe I am still not allowed to take the car out, hence dependent on others all the time to pick me up.

Whatever the reasons I can think of them later cuz as I see out the window I see a familiar figure, wait a minute, that’s my mom and there com my sisters and finally my dad. What took them? Whatever did, I don’t care because I had a good 10-15 minutes to wait during which I was having a good time all by myself, and that may sound good but it isn’t cuz it’s like separating myself more and more.  We all should try to gather with our loved ones every now and then to fight our anxiety and most importantly build a never-ending bond as long as we are meant to be together. OUCH! Looks like my cell just vibrated. Gota go and join them, dad just texted me “where are u”? Later peeps :)