So on a Thursday night I was, as
usual hanging out with my two best buddies at a small park near out houses. One
of my mates, who is known as Sam and the other one known as T D (his initials)
and me were just talking about random stuff and the fact that me and Sam have
both been busy with our exams. Sam was pretty happy for the fact that his
papers were pretty good, whereas since I was awaiting my results, I disclosed
that in 1 course I got a B (something not to be proud of) because I was aiming
for an A or a B+ because my CGPA is just below 2.5 (the benchmark for getting a
degree) and obviously I need to score good to get it over the line.
Since I have not been able to get
a good grade by my standards in one course and in another, I do not expect a
good grade because the paper wasn't good. T D comes up with a query regarding
me that Sam is a pretty social guy. He has good P.R; he stays in touch with
people, goes over to their place for stuff, meets new people and indulges in
activities. Quite frankly I and Sam know each other for more than a decade and
I know that all of that is correct about Sam. T D himself is not a light force
to be reckoned with; the good thing about him is that he talks a lot (which is
a good thing if you are working in a Sales field). Anyways T D asks me that why
do I not go and meet new people, why do I shut myself own to limit my
socializing (frankly speaking, that’s true) and the fact that why am I lagging
behind whereas my buddy is ahead of me and is a hard worker.
This got me to again recall how my university
life has been. It is true that for the first two semesters, things were pretty
good for me since I got to work in groups talk to every one, went over to barbecues eating out and stuff, but from the summer of 2010 onward I shut
myself down to limiting everything and this affected my performance and as a
result I will have to take a course in which I got a bad grade to improve my
CGPA.
I really don’t know what happened
to me, what did I want to prove what was I thinking, was it natural for this to
happen to me? Did I do it deliberately? Just when one gets to know more people,
I went in opposite direction, I mean, I met new but failed to become friends
with them. P.S. just because I have over 100 people on FB doesn't mean that I am
very social, adding more people is just a way of staying on FB because if FB is
subtracted from my life, I do not have anything else to do.
During the time both Sam and T D
were talking about my strengths and weaknesses and sharing their experiences
about how they managed to get themselves out of the pit when they were almost
down and out during college times, I (as expected) remained silent because I was
in no position to defend myself (I hardly am). The question was that what does
happen to me? Why do I not live up to my own expectations? Although I did try
to fend it off by saying that I may not be getting good grades now but who
knows, I may perform in practical life (considering my position at this time, I
doubt that).
The real deal is that I was not always
backing myself to go to the top, I always was so conscious about how do I look,
how and what do I talk about, what do others think of me, what do they say
behind my back and also I do not know how to entertain guests and that’s why I did
not bring anyone to my home. I went to gatherings only once in a while, but on
the whole, the fact that I did not make the best of the time that I had will
haunt me for a long time.
Honestly I have no regrets in
having made it to the university level when at one point, my dad couldn't even
dream about me studying after school. So I really am thankful to God Almighty
for blessing me with all this, the rest was definitely up to me and I wasn't at
par by my standards. Guess some things are just not meant to be after all (this
sentence is a part of the lyrics from the song I shared below) don’t know if
that has anything to do with this blog. I
do have lots to say but since this is getting very long and boring, I will stop
here and safe the rest for later (perhaps).
(yep, definitely no connection to the blog, what say)
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